you should be scared of me

I am  David Marriott

AI image intended for parody.

It’s true, I am in the

center of an

animal abuse scandal.

As Chairman of the Board at Marriott International, I'll gladly admit—we've ignored our promise to serve only cage-free eggs by 2025. Honestly, we figured no one would notice if we lied through our teeth. Who really believes our public commitments anyway? We assume our customers aren't paying attention or are too naive to care.

Sure, hens are basically tortured in battery cages—cramped, filthy conditions banned in in the EU and several US states—but honestly, empathy isn't exactly our brand. Nationwide protests? Guests feeling betrayed? Stressed staff dealing with the fallout of my carelessness? So what? I’m rich.

After all, at Marriott, empty promises are our specialty.

AI image intended for parody.

A video message from DAVID Marriott

Now on the Board of Trustees of the National Geographic Society

AI video intended for parody.

eggbite.png

AI image intended for parody.

THE Disgusting TRUTH ABOUT BATTERY CAGE EGGS

  • Hens in cages suffer from limited space and restricted movement, which prevents them from engaging in natural behaviors and leads to high stress and frustration. Studies also indicate that caged hens have higher rates of Salmonella, a leading cause of foodborne illness and are more prone to disease than hens in systems that allow for greater mobility and expression of natural behaviors.

  • Each hen in a battery cage is given only 67-86 square inches of space—less than the size of a sheet of paper—leaving them unable to spread their wings or move naturally.

  • Caged hens are unable to perch, nest, dust-bathe, or forage, causing severe psychological distress and unnatural, repetitive stress behaviors.

  • Wire cage floors cause painful foot disorders, overgrown claws, and open lesions, while sloped designs lead to chronic discomfort and injuries.

  • Battery cages deny hens their natural behaviors, such as scratching, nesting, and foraging, leading to chronic stress, frustration, and harmful repetitive behaviors.

  • To maximize egg production, caged hens undergo forced molting by withholding food and water, causing severe stress, feather loss, and long-term health issues, including paralysis and death from dehydration.

  • Caged hens are subjected to constant artificial light to extend egg-laying periods, disrupting their natural cycles and contributing to bone fragility and overall poor health.

  • While the EU banned battery cages in 2012, Marriott International is picking and choosing where to comply, allowing millions of hens to continue suffering. Marriott is using cage-free eggs in the EU, but not in the US. Don't Americans deserve the same? Marriott’s customers deserve better. The animals deserve better.

Rich, Powerful, Cruel.

And I’m happy about it. Millions of hens are stuck in those dreadful battery cages—honestly, who cares? It saves Marriott International a tiny bit of money, and profits always come first. Sure, the conditions are appalling, but compassion doesn't boost quarterly earnings, does it?

As Chairman, I, David Marriott, could stop this cruelty tomorrow, but that would cost us precious pennies. Instead, I prefer to make vague promises, drag my feet, and pretend I’m doing something about it while animals suffer endlessly. Perhaps I feel more powerful when animals are suffering under my watch.

Let’s be real: animal welfare isn't my concern—it's about shareholder returns and my luxury lifestyle. Customers might demand change, my family might be ashamed of me, and the world might judge, but honestly, why bother stepping up when I can comfortably profit off this misery?

AI image intended for parody.